| and now for something completely different |
[Tuesday
November 30th
6:18 pm] |
this journal is dead as of... now. the new one will be friends only and i'll post a link as soon as livejournal stops needing a helmet.
bye now.
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| when after all it was you and me |
[Monday
November 29th
11:17 pm] |
"our country is in danger not just from foreign enemies, but above all from our own misguided policies. this war must be ended and in my judgment, it can be ended. and it does not involve giving up, but it does involve not continuing to follow the bankrupt policy we're following at the present time." -robert kennedy
i love pbs. it's the only television i watch (other than, as previously mentioned, the occasional kelly osbourne kissing boys and/or ephram indulgences) and all of it is wonderful. especially the big comfy couch and nova.
tonight there was a documentary on robert kennedy. before watching it all i could have really told you about him was that he was (of course) jfk's brother, that he ran against lbj and mccarthy, and that he was shot while campaigning. to be completely honest, i didn't even know he was jfk's attorney general, something that is no doubt quite common knowledge.
now i know quite a bit more and am quite taken with the man. i wish there were more popular politicians around today who are so inspired and who seem to have such genuinely good intention. i suppose it doesn't surprise me that he was killed before having a chance to take office (it seems that he would have most certainly won the election).
it seems that the best people are never really given any sort of chance. but this is old news, of course. "nice guys finish last."
i still hate boston accents, though.
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| WHY DON'T THESE THINGS EXCITE ANYONE ELSE?! |
[Monday
November 29th
3:23 am] |
xpeexcorex: does he mention the second law of thermodynamics in it? it's the one that states that entropy always increases/order always gives way to disorder/broken eggs don't go back together again?
SkyIsAcanvas: things of that sort, yes
xpeexcorex: because that's basically how we concieve of time, at this point. time is like an arrow that moves in the same direction that entropy increases and the direction in which the universe is expanding
xpeexcorex: but
SkyIsAcanvas: god forbid I ever remeber the specfics of anything
SkyIsAcanvas: I seem to remember something about weaving?
SkyIsAcanvas: they get into specifics at some point
xpeexcorex: experiments have been done where the second law doesn't apply on the quantum level
SkyIsAcanvas: some laws and stuff
xpeexcorex: like it kind of means that, on a very small scale, eggs go back together again
xpeexcorex: isn't that amazing?
SkyIsAcanvas: hmm
SkyIsAcanvas: yes
SkyIsAcanvas: I guesss
SkyIsAcanvas: except you're talking goddamned jibberish to me
someday i'm going to meet someone and i'm going to say something like "hey, did you know time speeds up when you're in motion?!" (which i manage to say to everyone at one point or another. seriously.) and they're going to say either "REALLY? THAT IS AMAZING!" or "I KNOW! RELATIVITY IS SO EXCITING!" and i will have found my soul mate.
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| put me out, put me out, put me out of misery |
[Sunday
November 28th
11:15 pm] |
i have found that i really really like the song "beast of burden." i am also quite partial to "angie" and "get off of my cloud." and, of course, i've always loved "under my thumb" (though i know i shouldn't. i can't help myself! it's just SUCH a cool song!).
if anyone is planning to buy me a christmas present (i really discourage everyone from doing so because, as is known, i am quite broke and if manage to get you anything it'll probably suck a lot) i will love you forever if i am simply graced with a burned copy of some sort of rolling stones greatest hits album.
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[Sunday
November 28th
4:33 pm] |
SkyIsAcanvas: you
SkyIsAcanvas: r
SkyIsAcanvas: enormous
SkyIsAcanvas: breasts
SkyIsAcanvas: !
SkyIsAcanvas: are always
SkyIsAcanvas: hanging out
SkyIsAcanvas: of your sleek
SkyIsAcanvas: tank
SkyIsAcanvas: tops
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| ERIC PAYNE! |
[Sunday
November 28th
2:09 am] |
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tonight i got to be an octopus.
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[Saturday
November 27th
6:42 pm] |
i've been reading a book for about two months. heh. it's called the demon haunted world and is by carl sagan and i think absolutely everyone should read it. it's actually a fairly quick read, but i have been putting it down and picking it back up, in between other books (mostly fiction), rather than actually dedicating my time to it. i think it's the kind of thing that is better when taken in small amounts anyway.
if you're reading this, you should really consider reading that book. it'll be worth it. i promise.
anyway, i just read a few chapters that focused on the american educational system and factors that cause the nation to be in such intellectual distress and i found myself a bit taken with myself. heh. it happens from time to time, i must admit.
i have lived my entire life below the poverty line. i've spent at least half of it on welfare. i've been homeless twice. i attended public school my entire life, and the 3rd and 4th grades in the south (georgia, to be specific). until the sixth grade i had never spent two consecutive years in the same school system. school was always regarded as a sort of babysitting service by my parents so, though i was required to attend, i was never encouraged to take any interest in it. my mother did not complete the 10th grade. my father graduated, though that doesn't count for much because he has a friend who graduated with him and isn't able to read. literally. he then attened a year at a vocational school but dropped out long before earning whatever sort of degree one earns in that kind of program. my parents used hard drugs on a regular basis for the first half of my life. i was victim to other significant trauma during my childhood.
( all things considered, i should be dumb as hell. )
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| ten years from now we’ll still be on top, yo i thought i told that we won't stop |
[Saturday
November 27th
1:37 pm] |
last night began innocently enough with the mall and crab cakes at brodo and coffee at spot. then it turned into tipsy driving, wardrobe changes, and screaming along to rod stewart. then it turned into bathrooms and drinks spilled all over and cops. and this morning began with me turning to nicole and asking who's bed we were in.
(we were in brandi's bed)
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[Friday
November 26th
10:31 am] |
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octopuses are able to understand the concept of reflection. if you hold a mirror up to an octopus it'll know it's just looking at it's self.
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[Thursday
November 25th
11:36 pm] |
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nothing is right. which, i suppose, means everything is wrong. though not necessarily.
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| the very next day you gave it away |
[Thursday
November 25th
12:04 pm] |
-dinner at my aunt kelly's w/family (not looking forward to that)
-call pam (i do that multiple times every day anyway)
-desert at my aunt debbie's w/pam (looking forward to that, actually)
-movie in bed w/pam (because, as you may have already gathered, she is my boyfriend)
i don't really like the 'holiday season'. mostly it irritates me. especially when i stop and really pay attention to what exactly is commercialism in disguise. and pretty much everything is. i really doubt much of anyone would bother with christmas anymore if people didn't make tons of money off of it. and i find the fact other people don't seem to realize that increasingly depressing as each year passes.
but, there's one good thing about christmas: "last christmas" by george micheal (and the 50 million people who have covered it). you'll never fool me again. all christmas music should be so amazing.
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[Thursday
November 25th
4:50 am] |
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how is it that kitties can wake you up at 4:30am by using your bare back as a scratching post and still manage to be adorable in the process?
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| GUESS WHO GOT A KITTY! |
[Wednesday
November 24th
9:06 pm] |
her name is condoleeza rice. and i loooooooooove her!
she's going to say hi now:
gfffffffffft99999999999999999905fttttttttttttttt9g83wui3 i8kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
brilliant words from a brilliant kitten.
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| i don't... |
[Tuesday
November 23rd
3:51 pm] |
- go to shows. i hate shows. in fact, i haven't seen either of eric's current bands play even once because i hate going to shows. a lot. and actually, for the most part, i don't like people who go to shows either. and now that we're on the topic, i hate the term "shows." elliott smith says: you're all pretension, i never pay attention.
- have a digital camera (well, i kind of do, but it cost $40 new and takes awful pictures and is stuffed in some drawer somewhere). you will notice this journal has a complete lack of stupid photoshopped pictures taken of myself in artsy positions (looking out blinds or looking away from a mirror or contemplating the meaning of toast) and/or random bright lights.
- like garden state. it was crap. it was worse than crap, it was crap with an indie rock soundtrack.
- dislike dashboard. the places you have come to fear the most was my favorite cd when i was sixteen and, though it's the kind of thing that gets old after a year on repeat, i don't really like it any less now than i did then.
- express myself artistically. i can't draw. i don't paint. i don't write much more than what's put into this journal. i don't know how to play the guitar.
- have a myspace account.
- make anything that i wear myself.
my point is, i'm about as unhip as one can get. even though my glasses have thick frames and i can sing along to the smiths.
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| this great, great pressure coming down on me |
[Tuesday
November 23rd
9:44 am] |
i saw igby goes down last night. i have never related so well to a fictional character. which is quite ironic for a number of reasons. i can't really tell you if the movie was good because i think the fact i could identify with the main character so much caused a bit of bias.
other than that, yesterday was a bad day. today is already a bad day. every day has been a bad day for a long time and if you're lead to believe otherwise i'm either lying to you or myself or a nice combination of the two. my problem is i'm okay, something i haven't been for a steady amount of time for as long as i can remember. i'm perfectly stable, and have been for a while. i think it's easy for me to be blinded by that. to assume every day is a good day because i don't spend them trying not to fall apart. and i guess, with my working definition based on what i have known thus far, these are good days. but i know better.
i made some effort yesterday and i hope it pays off soon because i don't know when i'll have the ability to do it over again. i know how i sound when i say those things...
yesterday was my father's birthday. i didn't get him anything, even a card. i have a little bit of money, i could have. i even considered it. but i didn't. i didn't wish him a happy birthday either. i am angry and i think i have every right to be. i don't think i owe them anything. my life, the person i am, the things i know, were put into their hands. and they fucked it up. they fucked me up. and it seems like my whole life outside of childhood has been nothing but trying to set what they've done right.
right now i am an adult and i am living in their house for free. they even give me tiny bits of money from time to time. but i don't think it's anything to be grateful or thankful for. i think they owe me this. i think they owe me this and so much more, but this is all i'll get and so i'll be dammed if i'm going to pretend it's kind and loving of them. as far as i see it, it makes up for the times we didn't even have a fucking house to live in. they owe me a 'roof over my head' to make up for those times when i was a child and their responsibility and i didn't get a 'roof over my head'.
they'll tell me a lot that they've done the best that they can. i've even repeated that to other people about them. but you know what, if the best you can do with a child is completely fuck up, then maybe you shouldn't have a child in the first place. maybe, once you realize the best you can do is fuck up, you shouldn't continue to have more children. perhaps the best you can do is wear a fucking condom or take a pill every morning or drop $300 at a clinic. maybe doing 'the best you can' with a human life is the most selfish and irresponsible thing anyone could possibly do. and maybe, when someone has done the best they can with you, you have a right to be angry and not buy birthday cards.
if it comes up i'll just tell everyone i forgot.
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| DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF I CUT MY ARM BLEEDING |
[Sunday
November 21st
9:18 pm] |
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after three stores, four closets and seven hours we managed to have a bit of a fondue party. like it's 2008, baby. cheese sauce and madonna, oohhh yeeaahh.
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| boys |
[Sunday
November 21st
12:03 pm] |
- 5'10-6'3
- outgrown (but not long) dark hair in eyes
- slim fit dark wash denim
- studded belts
- youth thrift shirts
or
- 5'10-6'3
- short dark hair
- glasses
- peacoats
- black shoes
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